Abby’s Blog: Tough Choices

self-portraitsWeeks 31-36

Weight Gained: +20lbs

Due Date: April 13, 2015

A lot has changed in the last month of my pregnancy. I have had to move to another state, and basically start my life over again. In a previous entry I had mentioned I didn’t have much family or friends to support me in Colorado, so I had to make the very difficult decision to move to Kansas where I do have people to support me.

I love my Dad and Stepmother, it just wasn’t working out for me to continue to try to begin my new life as a mother in their home. Unfortunately, Denver is a very expensive place to live and I couldn’t afford it on my own. I had tried my hardest to save as much money as possible and did a very good job. It just wasn’t enough for that economy. After a very hard struggle living with my parents, it was decided that it wasn’t a good fit anymore and I needed to find something else.

I tried to work with the father of my child on what I could do to stay in Colorado. Needless to say he was of no help, like most times. He just began to scream at me and belittle me, as he did most time we spoke. He said he was going to try to help me look for a place, so that way I would stay closer, but never did anything. He couldn’t understand that I had no support from him and I couldn’t make it work in Denver. Moving to Kansas, where I could afford an apartment and live with the money I had saved, was my only option and I had to take it.

At that moment I was “homeless” and had to do what was best for me. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made. I did not want to move my daughter hours away from her father, but I had to. I don’t know how many days/weeks I cried and doubted myself for the choice I was making. I still don’t always know if it was the right thing to do. All I know is that I did what I had to and since I have been back in Kansas I have smiled and laughed for the first time in months, and finally feel like I have people around me that care about me and my baby.